What doesn't count in elections

What we’ve learned from the 2012 USA Presidential Election... mostly from the Republicans:

As they count the votes, I realize what doesn’t... count that is.

Colour doesn’t count anymore.  At first, people were nervous at having a black President, but in the primaries, the GOP managed to find a rich black man to run.  Nevermind the suitability...

Gender doesn’t count anymore.  See above – substitute ‘rich black man’ with ‘Michelle Bachman’.

Morality doesn’t count anymore.  Democrats pleaded for people to overlook Clinton’s peccadillos, and the GOP clucked their tongues at his moral failings.  Now, they had people with multiple divorces, multiple scandals, multiple mental health issues running for President.  Anyone too sensible didn’t have a chance. 

Religion doesn’t count anymore.  JFK was the first non-Protestant candidate to fight into the Oval Office because before that, Americans felt that the Pope would automatically get in as well.  Dems are never moral enough – I saw a TV minister say that Obama goes to prayer breakfasts “but not the right or biggest prayer breakfasts” at the White House – but they put a Mormon on the slate... because really, the G-O-P’s g-o-d really is Mammon.

Intelligence doesn’t count.  If a Canadian Premier said that women can’t get pregnant from a rape unless they want to, their own party would send them immediately on a long vacation and burn the return ticket. 

The Past doesn’t count anymore.  Only the current crop matters.  George who?  Obama hasn’t magically fixed an economy and bad budget because of his failings... there was nothing before.  It’s like your spouse buys a Jaguar on your VISA card and then wonders why it’s maxed out the next month. 

Numbers and facts don’t count.  If you don’t like the candidate: “they have no clear vision while my guy is big on details”.... except when they don’t.  You can actually lie, and lie openly, and people do not have a fit.  The US budget is 3.5 Trillion, yet you can add 2 Trillion to the military budget, and find it in waste.... if waste is defined as “everything else.”  You should have army medics doing house calls and drill sergeants teaching kindergarten. 

Consistency doesn’t count.  You can be a hawk one month, and a dove the next.  But you still have that clear moral centre.

Counting votes doesn’t count.  If you can’t change that whole ‘every idiot over 18 gets to vote’ problem, just make it hard for people to vote.  The poor ones who aren’t as stupid as the ones who vote for you.  My wife is visually impaired and cannot drive – if she was in the USA, she wouldn’t be able to vote under some state legislations.  Never mind if we can prove she’s lived in our house for 11 years with photos, bills, neighbours, etc...  Obviously, terrorists are unable to fake a driver’s licence while 17 year old kids can. 

Respecting the process doesn’t matter. Playing the game, including cheating does.  If your party hires a company that hires a person who destroys registration cards – they should be in federal prison... and your party should lead the charge.  Pensions and the right to vote are perhaps the two remaining sacred things left in the west, and the pension one is fading.  The only reason people don’t riot constantly is the belief that actually being able to vote every 4 years might matter. 

Hopefully in 4 years we’ll be able to be past all this silliness, otherwise the USA won’t count